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After
my memoir, A Better Woman, was published a few years ago, people
began to ask whether I had thought about my children eventually reading
it. I suppose this was because of the memoir's frankness, and more specifically
those sections which exposed the rage I felt towards my sons. "How do
you think your son will feel knowing you once wished to smash his head
against a rock?"
This set me thinking. Obviously it was an area I had examined before,
both during the writing of the memoir and especially in the run-up to
its publication. Then a friend started to run into trouble with a friend
of hers, about the question of ownership of some material she wanted
to use in a piece of fiction. What were the moral implications of writing
exactly? Was there a sort of inherent imperialism involved in the act
of writing? Did a writer have the right to use everything, or anything,
that happened to her in her life when every life involves friends, lovers,
family? While always convinced that I had the right to my own life, to
my own "material" as it were, I started to ask myself some hard questions
about what happened when my life was closely intertwined with someone
else's. I began to read books by the relatives and children of writers:
Margaret Salinger on growing up with J.D.Salinger, the daughters of the
poet Anne Sexton writing about their mother's life and death, a memoir
by the Canadian Alice Munro's daughter. Margaret Salinger wrote that
her father had spent his life busy "writing his heart out" and that she
was not convinced that the way he lived his life was well-balanced, or
kind.
I went to the British Library and began reading about mothers and daughters,
about infanticide, about rage. Whenever I begin a new book I read everything
in a wild, haphazard way, sometimes only vaguely concerned with my emerging
story. I knew I wanted to write about the relationship between writers
and the world and, in particular, writers and family. Around the same
time I was re-reading My Brother Jack (for no other reason than
I often re-read my favourite novels just before I am beginning a new
novel myself: it revs me up, raises the bar, shows me how far I have
to go. The Great Gatsby, Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre,
these are my images of perfection).
Who knows how novels arrive? Mine arrived, whole and at once, and I suddenly
understood that I was going to re-write My Brother Jack and
its sequel Clean Straw For Nothing from the female character
Cressida Morley's point of view. In the Australian novelist George Johnston's
famous trilogy, his fellow novelist (and fellow Australian and wife)
Charmian Clift, is tranformed into the Cressida Morley character, all
green-eyed beauty and subterranean silences. What if I wrote her version
of the story? What would any story by Cressida Morley herself be like?
In the same way that F. Scott Fitzgerald transformed his wife Zelda into
the shining Daisy Buchanan character in Gatsby and into crazy,
beautiful Nicole in Tender Is The Night, Johnston transformed
Clift, a serious writer, into a beautiful, betraying housewife.
The truth was more complex: Clift was dedicated to her work and always
wanted to write her great book. She died without completing it but right
up to the end her unfinished novel was there "like a owl on my shoulder".
With two writers in the family, who owned the joint material? Who got
to write the book? Here was a perfect way to write around my subject:
the moral duty to one's family versus the moral duty towards one's work,
the fall-out for children. Could I write Clift's broken book for her?
Like Sylvia Plath, Clift died by her own hand but, unlike Plath, suicide
was not a leitmotiv throughout her life. Clift's strength, both
as a writer and as a person, was her vitality, her great muscular joy
in feeling the sun on her skin, the breath in her lungs, the transcendent
beauty in a poem or a piece of music. She was for life, the way Plath
was married to death, and even Clift's suicide at the age of forty-six
fails to cast too long a shadow over her luminous prose. Soon, I was
up and away. But soon, too, I realized that I didn't want my emerging
book to be a literal translation of Charmian Clift's life ("She wasn't
like that"; "She didn't do that"). Wasn't there more murky moral territory
here too, stealing from the dead? And how could I possibly hope to emulate
such luminosity? Co-incidentally, a biography of Clift appeared (Nadia
Wheatley, The Life and Myth of Charmian Clift) which made me
even more determined to create something new. (I didn't read the biography
at the time but have read it since and can recommend it).
Eventually, I found myself developing an entirely new character altogether:
the writer Katherine Anne Elgin. While she shares many biographical details
with Clift, Elgin emerged as a character in her own right. She freed
me up, allowed my imagination a wilder flight. Cressida Morley is still
there, but she has always lived only as an invention.
Of course, much of Charmian Clift's background, and many of her preoccupations,
happen to be strikingly similar to my own: journalism, expatriation,
the on-going struggle between creativity and motherhood, the push-pull
relationship with Australia. Greece, too, where Clift spent many years,
also happened to be the place where I first started writing, where I
began to unstitch myself, as it were, from my past. It was also the place
where I got married for the second time, a country which has long exerted
a pull over my imagination. I lived in Greece for a year when I was twenty:
one of those periods in a life which stand out, still, and which I see
now as acting as a kind of crucible in which my adult self was formed.
So, there you have it: life and art, art and life. After two years, the
book was finally done and I was free.
Read an extract from The Broken Book here.
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