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Of all the questions asked of writers, one of the most common is, "How autobiographical
is your work?" The plain answer must be "in every way" for all books
grow from the bones of each writer's life. What kind of temperament the
writer has, whether he or she tends towards the rational or the emotional,
what kind of relationship the writer had with his or her mother; in essence,
everything which makes up the man or the woman also makes up his or her
books. The more complicated answer, however, must be, "I no longer remember".
If a story or a novel is truly to live, it must wrest itself from its
moorings in order to fly. An event from real life, a "true story", will
merely lie dead on the page unless it has been exposed to fiction's alchemy,
unless it is reremembered, reimagined, let loose into something freer
and grander.
"Real life"
is a monotonous flat plain, with only the occasional mountain, while fiction
is the shapeliest of countries. It is all unexpected mists and oceans,
deep wells and horizons, virgin land where no-one has trodden. I remember
how shocked I was when some readers read my first novel, Messages From
Chaos (about a hopelessly passive woman called Anna Lawrence) as "fact".
"But I am not like that," I pleaded to some unseen audience in my head
at night, desperate and saddened. Later I laughed when I heard that at
least two of my ex-boyfriends were proudly declaring themselves to be
the prototype for Anna's boyfriend, the lecherous television journalist
Jimmy West. I laughed even harder when the rumour reached me that someone
had told someone else that it was actually George Negus (sorry George).
Of course, there were elements of myself in Anna Lawrence, but only elements.
Paradoxically, in order for a character to live on the page, he or she
must be distilled in some way, as if reduced to pure essence. In other
words, I took a part of my own self, annexing entire sub-continents, whole
parts of myself which did not fit in. I took certain parts of my friends
too, casual remarks overheard, stealing without shame anything which would
in the end make something larger than myself, something more emblematic.
Yet to certain
readers, none of this matters. To them the closer the character is to
the author in age and circumstance, the closer the autobiographical element
is reckoned to be. In this sense it was like throwing sand in some reader's
eyes when I created Billy Hayes in A Big Life, a tumbling boy
whose work was air, who of all my characters is probably closest in temperament
to me. I was living in Hong Kong then and hating it, and Billy's story
was a metaphor for my own experience of Hong Kong, where writing and the
arts in general are regarded as things the world could do without. In
Hong Kong, it was as if I was invisible, for I was a writer whose work
might as well have been made of air, so meaningless and ephemeral was
it regarded in comparison with the real business of making money. But
even after I had finished A Big Life, I felt I had not quite
finished with Hong Kong. I began to imagine how I could confront the place
head-on rather than metaphorically. As well, each book for me is a kind
of reaction to the last and after criticism of A Big Life and
its plotless meanderings I determined to write a plot-driven book. This
was the sole idea with which I started Hungry Ghosts, knowing
only that it was to be plot-driven.
Each time
I begin writing it is to find out what I am writing about: I found I was
writing about the excesses I had witnessed in Hong Kong, the sexual abuse
by Western men of Asian women, the way Hong Kong is a Chinese city in
which a tiny band of Caucasians live blinded to the people who surround
them. I found my loathing of Hong Kong propelling my story: it was where
my first marriage ended, where two of my closest friendships faltered,
the place where I momentarily imagined I had come to the end of myself.
By the time I had created a new first-person character in Rachel Gallagher,
I no longer cared if readers would confuse her with myself, so immersed
was I in the exhilaration of writing. Without realising it I had entered
that virgin, shapely country called fiction and had no choice but to walk
on. I did not know until I had finished Hungry Ghosts that it
would end up as a tragedy. If its particular details are not my own, its
sense of tragedy is, and it is there where my autobiography dwells.
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